Well this may be the longest I've gone without posting. A weird combination of being pregnant, then not being pregnant, mixed in with end of the school year crazies has made it this way I suppose.
I'll start back at the beginning. Many of you know that in January, Mark and I became pregnant! We were excited but cautious, both being realists, but after some terrible morning sickness and exhaustion, ended up telling the kids and close friends and family.
January proceeded as it does in Minnesota, snow, snow and more snow! Dean and I took a special trip to the Mall of America, and he got to try out their new Paw Patrol ride! (Only had to wait 40 minutes...) But the rest of life continued on pretty normally: baking, playing, swim lessons, work.
Then came February, more baking, treats, and snow! We went to the Wild Stadium to see a Koo Koo Kangaroo game, many trips to the library, and did I mention snow?
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| Koo Koo Kangaroo! |
March was marked by cravings, aversions, a growing belly, and Dean kissing it every night. He was so excited to become a big brother! Then Mark and I started to experience a string of stressors that just seemed to continue to pile up. First we had extreme flooding. Primarily in the basement through a window, but also in Dean's room and in our Family room. Dean had to evacuate and started to bunk with his brother for a month. Thanks to the help of lots of friends we had fans, sump pumps, and help galore. All the carpets were dried out and we seemed to overcome the craziness. (Though we had PTSD every time it rained. Insane Minnesota snow melt + 3 days of heavy rain= no good for many people!
I left the stress of the flooding being with Mark, and the boys and I headed to NC to see my family! I was so excited to spend some time with them and enjoy the warmth and early Spring. We had egg hunts, played at parks, climbed trees, grilled.... and go the flu. Now Mark and I are generally very positive people but taxes + the flooding + 105 degree fever of the flu was starting to wear on us. We acknowledged we haven't had many hardships this far in our marriage, and decided that it was time for us to weather them as well. Flying home with that high fever child is one of the scariest things I've had to do. I was so worried about him, he hated the mask, and he hardly ate anything.
Then another big disappointment hit our family. Maybe the most devastating thing I've ever experienced. I went in for our 12 week scan (alone because Mark was with a fluish Dean) and I found out baby had no heartbeat. She (Dean says she's a girl) stopped developing at around 9 weeks. I had no idea that a "missed miscarriage" was a thing. That poor little angel had been inside me dead for several weeks. The grief was pretty overwhelming for everyone in our family. Dean kept saying "mommy I keep forgetting the baby is not in your tummy". It was such a sad time too, because we had planned on publicly announcing, it was my birthday, I was in the "Safe zone". I am lucky to have so many people to have supported me. The flowers, cards, chocolates, texts, calls, and dance love was overwhelming. I've never felt so sad but so loved in my whole life. I had a D and C on my birthday and it was bittersweet. It was good to have it all "done" with, and so sad because it was over.
I am thankful to have experienced it because it has given me so much empathy for so many before me. Mark and I are so lucky to have 2 healthy boys. So many women have a miscarriage with no children. Or have miscarriage after miscarriage. It is such a difficult thing physically, mentally, and emotionally. For everyone who reached out I appreciate you and love you! For those who have gone through the same, I am so sorry.
Lucky for us since then things have only started to look up. We hit a period of extreme darkness and managed to come out of it: sadder, but closer. We celebrated my birthday the usual way of Pizza Luce and treats. Of course, more snow. Lots of delicious cooking, and time with friends. Benny got a pretty bad fever, which then of course was passed on to me. Adding to a total of 7 missed days of school in April. However, there was a light. Spring was here. Time at playgrounds. Time with cousins. Easter egg hunts. Walks along the pond. New blooms. Birthdays. and May.
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| My birthday present "A Pizza Tower" |
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| First Steak of the Season |
Now we are here. We are mostly healed, and looking forward to the excitement that summer brings. Yesterday I took the boys for a long walk to a park and Dean said "Mom I love Spring: the beautiful flowers, the warm sun, the tweeping birds!". He's right. With each new bloom in our yard, and each bird, bunny and deer that comes to visit, our hearts are warmed. We've gone to parks, playgrounds, and family's homes. We even got to spend a quick weekend up North. It was only 63 degrees, with frigid water, but the boys had a blast on the beach anyways. We look forward to more positives to come, and are so thankful for all the experiences we have had, to help us see how lucky we are for all we have.
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| Mother's Day Brunch |
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| Decorating Cookies |
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| Baking cookies |
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| Mother's Day on the Saint Croix |
I left the stress of the flooding being with Mark, and the boys and I headed to NC to see my family! I was so excited to spend some time with them and enjoy the warmth and early Spring. We had egg hunts, played at parks, climbed trees, grilled.... and go the flu. Now Mark and I are generally very positive people but taxes + the flooding + 105 degree fever of the flu was starting to wear on us. We acknowledged we haven't had many hardships this far in our marriage, and decided that it was time for us to weather them as well. Flying home with that high fever child is one of the scariest things I've had to do. I was so worried about him, he hated the mask, and he hardly ate anything.
Lucky for us since then things have only started to look up. We hit a period of extreme darkness and managed to come out of it: sadder, but closer. We celebrated my birthday the usual way of Pizza Luce and treats. Of course, more snow. Lots of delicious cooking, and time with friends. Benny got a pretty bad fever, which then of course was passed on to me. Adding to a total of 7 missed days of school in April. However, there was a light. Spring was here. Time at playgrounds. Time with cousins. Easter egg hunts. Walks along the pond. New blooms. Birthdays. and May.
