2022 January - August

After my last post I don't feel like saying a lot, but we will call this the abridged recap of 2022. Short  one words and LOTS of pictures

January

-MN January = cold + hockey + baked goods + cute baby + new daycare

February

-Gordie's 2nd Birthday, more hockey, more snow, Valentine's day, girls trip to Charlotte

March

More snow :), more treats, OULA, family, St. Patrick's day, son date, BEACH

April

Birthday, Easter, Boys, Mall of America, SNOW FREE playground :0

May

K open house, Mother's day, baseball, more parks, monsters, bittersweet visit to Paul and Susan in PA, flowers

June

Dean's birthday, Mall of America, Twin's game, graduation, the hardest month of my life, family, Pennsylvania, sweet boys, grief

 

July

Grief, memories, boys, 4th of July, frogs, anniversary getaway, family, cabin

August

Vikings, Zoo, urgent care, Cascade Bay, cabin, friends, Girls weekend, start back to daycare/camp, grief

There are No words

 It's been half a year since I last blogged. I've been unable to blog about current life because it feels as though I'm not honoring all that's happened. Half a year, and yet everything has changed. Someone who I counted on everyday I can remember, my "twin", my only living sibling, my annoying yet always right advisor, my best friend, is no longer with us. We had what we thought was a pretty typical winter, but when I look back, there were things we missed. It's hard when you live so far away from family, you can feel so close at some times, and then as you move through your normal day -to-day you don't realize it's been a month since you've communicated. Paul's death has changed my life forever, but 2 months post his death, I'm learning not to feel guilty when there are good times. Does that mean we're "done" grieving and we feel fine? No way.... not sure I will ever feel that way. Will I always wonder why he died, or if there was anything I could have done differently to change things, probably. But I know that he is still with us, albeit a different way, and sometimes it's hard to remember, but I have to think he's somehow with us in our experiences every day. This month is Suicide Awareness month, so I think it's time I finally blog and honor the person Paul was, the tragedy that was his death, and the lack of understanding of anxiety and depression, which gave him no hope. Love you brother.