"Sleep when the baby sleeps"

So being a new mom I can't COUNT the amount of times I've been told "Sleep when the baby sleep". And usually I politely smile and nod, but there are days I just want to scream HOW!?!? (I'm sure all the momma's of multiples are nodding and thinking "you have no idea", but seriously this is not as easy as it sounds.

I  have found that having a kid to whom sleep doesn't not come easily has made me 1. less judgmental 2. more creative and 3. throw away all the "I will nevers..." that I swore to prior to having a child. (once again momma's with baby's are smiling now).

Now don't get my wrong, my kid sleeps... just not easily, not often and not in the "way" you are supposed to. He's almost 5 months (1.5 weeks!) and at this stage "should be":
1. Sleeping on a regular schedule
2. Taking 3 "predictable" 1.5 hr or longer naps
3. Be sleeping in the crib
4. NEVER sleep in the carseat/swing/stroller/spaceship/any moving object
5. Should be nursing every 3-4 hours
6. Should be able to take a bottle.

Well my kid is like his parents, he's stubborn and has a strong personality. He's as sweet as can be, and I can't count how many times a day I look at him and say to Mark "GOD our baby is cute!" But he is not easy! Tempermantwise? Yes, he's wonderful. Sleepwise? Well to quote his dad "He does what he wants.".
 


We've tried EVERYTHING: sleep suits (Merlin's Magic Suit), routines (same one since 2 weeks!), nursing to sleep, not nursing to sleep, putting to sleep "awake but drowsy", early bedtimes, late bedtimes, noise machines, music, bed-sharing, lovies, swaddling, not swaddling, paci's, no paci's, the sleep lady shuffle, Ferber, Babywise, anything else you can imagine.

But still...
1. He has no schedule. Usually to bed between 6-7, waking up 1-2 times, sometimes waking up 3-10 times.
2. A GOOD nap is 1.5 hrs (maybe every 3 days?) Normal naps 30-45 minutes.
3. He can sleep in the crib for 30 minutes (after crying 10-30 minutes)
4. The only place he sleeps "well" is in the swing. And yes it's on, and no we aren't in there. This can be considered bad parenting.... however, any mom I've talked to of babies who don't sleep well has done the same. If you've seen swings these days you'd realize ITS OK! There are SHOULDER straps for godness sakes.
-He's also even slept in our bed. I was a STRONG opponent of co-sleeping... until our baby didn't sleep, and I was running on 4 days of waking up every hour, and I realized it was either that or lose my mind.
5. He likes to eat every 1.5 hrs to every 3 hrs. If he's screaming hungry, I will feed him!
6. He refuses the bottle. Yes, that makes daycare fun, but he's learned mommy only works partime and if she's not around he can go 4 hours without eating :)

This post isn't written to be a complaint, it isn't written to be an attack, it is more to my friends with kids, and my friends who are about to have kids to FEEL OK with whatever they have to do with their baby (knowing that they are putting the baby's best interests at heart, and are being safe). I have had many friends come to me privately and let me know how tough sleep and other issues can be, but I feel like as a society we are afraid to be public about it and let people know that we aren't all perfect, and not all children are the same!

I love my kid, and I've had to learn to stop judging others, AND stop judging myself.